Leaning In

My commitment to write took a backseat these past few months. Not because I didn't want to write but because it was hard - hard to lean into some of the things I was learning and discovering about myself, the world, and the known...AND hard to carve out time to lean in. To me, writing is a portal to lean in, which is good. But at the same time, leaning in sucks. It hurts. It is also freeing, which reminds me why it is necessary. During one of my monthly chats with my dear mentor, he reminded me that I must make the writing space happen, no matter what - put it in the calendar, honor that time, make it a rhythm, and don't let the world win in not letting me free myself, small bits at a time.

I'm not fully there yet but I will be; I want to be. Mondays, 4pm. It's on my calendar. Feel free to ask me about it. For now, in honor of a new rotation, I've honored space to write this piece, a poem as I sit in a posture of gratitude, for all years, but especially this year as I am beginning to lean into metabolizing what is my story (more to come about this in a future piece) and embrace living wholeheartedly. #wholehearted37

Rotation*

smwang

12.16.20

Another one. 

Defined as a circular movement around a center.

There is movement. 

For I return back after one full spin. 

But never the same. 

My hands drape the silken clouds,

My feet recoil from the broken shards,

My eyes capture the vibrant scapes,

My muscles knot anxiety and emptiness,  

My breath escapes a second longer than I ever have

Expanding my chest, my patience, my joy. 

My mind grows, with appreciation and liberation.  

My heart learns to shed another layer of protection.

My soul discovers reason to trust, with healing and intention.

I remain the same yet forever altered.

My structure may appear maintained but

Don’t be fooled. 

*Happy birthday to me...

Possibly my favorite gift ever is this portrait drawing Nugget made for me this year. She answered questions that my sister captured in written form. When asked to tell about me (Eemo), Nugget responds: "...she's big and she's helpful and she's stronger...she holds all of us in the whole world!"